My private angst

The following piece was written sometime back...but today of all days it holds more true..it was written on the day the bravest woman i ever know..damn ..knew passed away. this is not a tribute to her...i can never think that i can ever be qualified to talk about her.

all i can say is that it is a outbusrt from my end...a private moment..a private thought.

Do you feel like screaming out
Just wanting to scream till it hurts
Does it hurt so much
Hurt so much that you want to die

I want to drive a nail into my head
Deeper till it fully bled
Want to reach in and pull my heart
Fated to lose even before I start

Every single step that I take
Why is it I cant catch a break
Just want to scream out aloud
Want to get far away from this crowd

Why is god so messed up with me
Why cant he ever let me be free
Why doesn’t he just end it all
I am ready for his final call

But like a coward he wont take me
He would rather let me on earth, be
He knows if he takes my life
I will be up there after him with a knife

So I dare you again, you God
Come fuck with me if you can
You are just one big fraud
Face me and show you are a man

People call me faithless
That god is just testing my patience
I  have passed the test for so many years
To be as normal as my peers

If I cant even have that right
Why the fuck do I have to fight
Who died and gave you the right
To go ahead and check my might

I don’t have to keep proving to you
You havent seen half the shit I have been through
Don’t you dare  try to judge me too
Let me just simmer in my own stew

The rhyme has been random and far apart
But to get rid of my angst, it’s a start
Every time I feel like cutting my self
I shall reach out to you for help

No…I don’t want your support
This is my battle, this is my court
I shall turn my anger into rhymes
Might prevent me from doing crime