By the time I got to get some food it was lunchtime and the cafeteria was crowded. The whole morning had been hectic, as usual. I grabbed my plate and scouted for a place to sit and had to roam around the hall before I spotted an empty place at the corner. I made my way there and settled down.
I wolfed down hungrily and before I realized I had finished my first helping. I made my way to the lunch counter and helped myself once again and made to my table. The crowd was thinning now, I guess not everybody had my appetite. I was through my second helping when I heard a voice.
"Mind if I sit here?"
I looked up to see Smita's dad standing there with his plate. I motioned him to sit down, my mouth still half full.
I swallowed what I had in my mouth, gulped down some water to make it easier, so that I can talk to him.
"So, you saw Smita, she is back in the room, right?"
"Oh yes yes. I did. I spent the whole evening yesterday with her. She looks much better. "
"Yes, she is responding to the treatment well. The course gets over today. Tomorrow we shall run some tests and see what's the status. "
" Yes Dr. Arul spoke to my wife today morning and told her the same."
"Oh your wife spoke to you?" I blurted out, realizing my mistake even as the words were coming out.
He looked at me quizzically and said "Yeah, she told me about an hour back", still puzzled with the way my question had come out.
"I mean..I meant, she has given you the update already. Good."
"Yes.Yes" , he went back to his plate.
I watched him play around with his spoon on an almost empty plate. He seemed to be thinking about something, mulling it over in his mind. I wanted to urge him on, but held back.
"Doctor, one serious question. What are her chances of survival? I mean, be frank with me. I don't want the normal promises of doing the best you can and stuff. I want to know the truth. What is her state?"
I realized then why he had hesitated so long. It was not a easy question to ask and certainly not an easy answer to give. My mom had told me when I was a kid, never to ask questions that I don't want to know the answers for. I didn't know whether he really wanted to know the answer, whether he will be able to take the answer, to accept the answer.
"Mr. Jayakumar, Honestly speaking, we don't know. We know the effect of the medicine that we are treating her with. We know her vitals, her blood count, her WBC count. We are monitoring the tumor as well. But in the end it is all up to her..I mean her body. If there are no remissions , then we can be assured that she will be healthy. We really cant say. I am sorry."
He looked at me, eyes wide open.
"Thanks doctor. I needed to know that. I really needed to know that"
He abruptly stood up, pushed his chair back in, left the tray in the wash area and walked out of the cafeteria.
Day 20
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