FAQs for new parents - Part 1

1   1)      My wife hands me the baby as soon as I return from a tiring day at office, even before I would get a chance to freshen up a bit and relax a while. What should I do?

Good question. Remember when your boss calls you in for your annual appraisal meeting and rams you royally for an hour on all your shortcomings and drawbacks? Remember how you sit quietly through the entire session without opening your mouth except for when you guess that maybe he asked you a question and you need to respond? Remember how at the end of the whole session he treats you to a meager percentage(although its painted as though you are the employee of the year) and measly perks(makes you think you are the MVP of the company) and you grin and take it ? Now just think back a bit and remember about a year back before your kid was born. Oh yeah..now you get it. In Office you work year around and then you get screwed…now in your personal life it’s the other way around…so buckle up and get on with it.

2   2)    Since becoming a father my wife and I haven't been able to spend as much time with our friends as we used to. Some of them seem to understand that we’re new parents and our time is limited, but others don't. They think we should be able to go out as a couple and socialize just as much as we did before we had a child. Is there anything we can do to keep our friendships alive?

There are some things that is in your hand and some things that aren’t in your hand and it totally depends on the variables involved…Confusing?? Let me explain. If its single people who do this cribbing, then the best thing to do would be to get them married off and that would be the last that you would see of them. You can also invite them home and make them do diaper duty for a couple of days and they would remove your number from their contacts list. If its single couples that feel this way, then there is nothing like taking a scissors to their rubbers or replacing contraceptives with headache pills. That way the ladies can’t claim they have a headache either. Of course this would mean contributing to our nation’s population. I say, More the merrier.

3    3)  My wife and I are shopping around for day care. How can we tell if the facility will offer the proper care? Are there qualifications and credentials I should look for to make sure our child is safe and well cared for?

There are certain things that you must especially look for and more importantly certain things you should overlook. First thing that you need to look for is to Google if the address of the daycare centre is the same as the address for any matchbox making unit or export garment sweatshop. Employees are so hard to find these days. Second thing that you need to see is if there are signs of electrical fencing, barbed wiring etc. Security is one thing but there can be cases of overkill. Among things that you should possibly overlook are the undersides of the mattresses used in the centre(especially if you happen to turn it over and see a big graying dirty spot on it), the kitchen where food is being prepared (especially if for some reason your kid starts to put insects into his or her mouth at home and says yummy), the staff posted there to take care of the kids(especially if you remember seeing his or her face in railway stations wanted notice boards or you hear them converse ). Otherwise you are good to go.

4   4)   We have a newborn and my wife and I are both exhausted. Who do you think should take care of the baby when he wakes up at 3 a.m.? Do both of us have to suffer? Does our infant really need both of us there in the middle of the night? 

This is once again an extremely good question. There is no clear answer yet, unfortunately. It depends on what the baby wakes up for. There is only so much that a dad can do and there is so much more that the mother can do. But the husband has to make the effort of getting up and supporting the mom during the baby’s hour(or hours) of need. And yes, both of you have to suffer. Since both of you made the baby, both of you are needed in the middle of the night where I guess probably that the genesis of the baby happened.

      5) Our baby isn’t crawling yet, but he will be pretty soon. Basically he goes for anything within his reach. I’m assuming he'll be the same way when he starts crawling. What should we do to childproof our house? 

Childproofing is a naming misconception. We already have other names and processes for the same. Family planning, Contraceptives, vasectomy etc etc. If you had done any of these earlier, you wouldn’t have to protect your baby or the house from each other. Now that’s spilt milk, lets concentrate on what to do to protect the baby and the house. Fundamentally it boils down to one thing. Which do you want to protect more? The baby or the house. Once you have decided that, your next steps will be easy. If it’s the baby, then I suggest you replace all breakable expensive things with breakable inexpensive things. It really doesn’t matter since anything that is there, automatically becomes breakable. Avoid sharp edges and sharp objects in the reach of the crawling kid. This means all the knives and tools that we invariably keep lying around. It also means the "special" magazines under the bed as paper cuts can also prove to be dangerous, not to mention the content being confusing for the kid.  Special note: this also includes the crappy dialogues that come out of the mega serials that your mom “just” must see.  If it’s the house that you are more interested in protecting, the best solution is “suggest to your wife that her parents must be missing her and the baby and suggest vacations to her native place, even if it’s in the next street.

      6)       I used to be the center of my wife's universe. We had a great relationship, we did things as a couple, and we communicated all the time. Now that we've had a baby, I'm jealous of all the time mom and baby spend together and I feel left out. Not only am I jealous as a husband, but I’m also jealous as a father. Is this normal and how can I overcome my feelings?

Another good question for which there is no easy answer. Have you tried getting another kid? Ha ha..sorry couldn’t resist. This is a very normal reaction and the best way to get around this is to be as visually and audibly in a sulky mood as possible. It doesn’t hurt to state that you are sulking too in front of your wife. You could also try the reverse and try to make your wife jealous. Get your kid all the things that your wife could want from you and make her go green with jealousy. I heard that the jewelry  stores now carry diamond rings for babies.

       7)      Its been seven months since our kid was born. My wife has been cynical, critical and irritable with me. I have always pegged it to being out of exhaustion and have been supportive. When would my wife return to normal?

7 months you say. I would hamper a guess here and say that you need to wait another 18 years till your kid goes to college.

End of part 1. Please write all your questions to manojprasad82@gmail.com and I shall reply to them in the next part.