21 days - Day 3

Both of us looked at each other. An uncomfortable silence, yet a silence both didn't want to break. Both fearing the direction that any conversation between us might take.

" Hi, i was just checking her vitals" i started hesitantly.

"oh k." she said and turned towards her daughter.

I felt as though i have been banished twice within ten minutes. I left the room and walked down the ward, when i realized i had left my scope in her room. I walked back to the room slowly and was about to enter when i realized they were talking inside.

" ..and Rama aunty would be coming to see you day after tomorrow. She has bought lots of sweets and those Sweet Valley twins books that you like. She is bringing her daughter, you know..Rashmi, she is of the same age as you are..."

" I don't want to see them... i don't want to see anyone."

"Why Smita, they have come down from Australia and want to see you. You know they rarely come down to India and they want to see you.."

" I don't want to see them or anyone..Just leave me alone"

" Why are you behaving like this.. they are family and they just want to see you..what is wrong in that"

" Why ... because the next time they come, they wont get to see me alive? how nice... i am so sorry to create a problem in their next year travel plans by dying so soon.. i will try to remain alive till day after tomorrow..we dont want them to be disappointed do we?"

A deathly silence ensued. I was caught in a quandary whether to interrupt or to walk away. I didnt want to do either.

A sniffling sound and i realized that either or both were crying. Should i step in? a stranger coming in might put the pause in this disturbing dialogue but i still wasnt sure if i should interrupt.

I slowly opened the door thinking there might be a scene right out of a battlefield but it still was the same room, with the same drab blue wall color and dull yellow hospital linen. The distinct but unspecific odor that always hits your nose when you enter a hospital still lingered.

I looked at them both. Both avoided my eyes and stared into nothing, but frequently glancing at me to see if i was privy to their conversation.

" I just left my scopes here...there it is..thank you.." i walked out of the room.

I was resting in the duty doctor's room when the floor nurse burst in. She had a bunch of notepads and reports in her hand.

" We have been searching for you...bed number three's pulse has been dropping...bed number 7 is waiting for his dinner...here is his recent CBG...you have to tell how many units of insulin..bed number 4 is refusing to eat her dinner..we need to take a blood sample at 9 for number 6.."

" uhh... its 212...give him 15 units of humalog regular...monitor number 3 and let me know in 15 minutes time...i will take care of number 4...ask for a lipid test for patient 6..." i said and fell back into the chair.

Bed number 4...Hmm...Smita. I really didn't want to go in again to that room. I had nothing to say to her. More than that, i didn't know what she will say to me. That uncertainty scared me. All through my life i had been prepared and prepped for whatever questions life had to throw at me, but now this...I had dealt with terminal patients before but this time was different. I was now head of this ward and the chief consult on this case.

All through my intern years and years as a doctor there had always been a hierarchy above me. For the last six months however i have been in charge. I thought that i was doing a good job but when such a responsibility comes to you, along with it comes the doubts and insecurity.

I opened the door and peeked in. The light by the bed was on and i could see that she was reading something. I entered.

Day 4