A note to myself

I wake up everyday asking myself one simple question to myself. This last week i have been asking the same question more times than i do normally. Do I really believe that one fine day i am going to live in a world that was not given to me but rather the one that i would create for myself? A world that i create, carve out, etch out, inch by inch from my dreams, my passion and my desires. Living every second of my present by thinking what my world in the future is going to be. What i want my world in the future to be. Looking around and looking at my past, i see a lot of ‘should haves’ . I should have studied harder, should have practiced more, should have worked more, should have done this , should have done that. So many should haves. Perhaps my present is one should have i am not letting go of now. I am living my present the way iam living hoping that it doesnt become another ‘should have’. 

It’s a battle. One that we fight not only on the outside but on the inside. The fear of failure. The fear of strife. The fear of struggle. All throughout man’s evolution, everything has evolved purely based on the basic need to lead a easier life. Our basic DNA itself is structured on the fact that we want things to be easier. Fire, weapons, clothing, technology...all of it from the need for things to be easier. So battling the most primal urge in ourselves;to make things easy is not a very easy choice nor an easy action. We are programmed to take the easier option out in life. Overcoming that to fight for what is needed rather than what is easily possible is the biggest internal fight. Then comes the external fight. Fighting the naysayers, the dream breakers, the family members who go tut-tutting your ideas, your passion. Sure, they are looking out for you. They want you to live the life in the world that they imagine for you.  They think they know whats best for you and they may be right or wrong. But the only proven fact is that they are being selfish.  

Doing what is easy is very easy. Stand in the sidelines and peer from the crowd at the one guy who is standing in the middle doing the things that you wish you had done. Or you get in the middle of the ring. If you keep looking at yourself as a victim of fate, judging yourself by what you are currently going through, the situation that you are currently in, then you are wrong. Because winners win and losers lose. But only people who try can win. People who dont try have already lost. 

Take any major goal that you have. Or one that you are already working on. You have experienced a lot of  setbacks, major disappointments, many failures. Maybe you have already given up. Maybe you have already decided that you are a failure. Maybe all you need is a little push, a word of encouragement. There are winners and there are losers. And there are people who are yet to discover what it is to win. Going after your dream is not important, it is necessary. I want you to hold on. If you quit, its not going to happen.  It may not happen at the time you think its going to happen.  If you quit, if you stop, if you do not continue , you would not make it happen. When i started i kept a target. It didnt happen then. I changed my deadline. It didnt happen then also. It may not happen now, 6 months from now, a year from now, ten years from now. But i know it will be a reality. Because i am working at it. I know that this thing is going to work. I have been reborn twice in my life already. I will die how many more times it takes for me to make my dream possible. Because each time i will have evolved. I will rise again. I will make what my dream is a reality because i have seen it. I have lived it. Now its all upto me to make it happen. 

This year i want to...

OK the New Year is upon us. A week into the New Year and we already have some idea as to how this year is going to turn out. For me, the new year looks like it’s going to be a lot of fun, a lot of change and as usual a lot of challenges. One thing that I have decided this year that I won’t take shit no more from anybody…and that includes you God. Yeah, you…the long beard, the halo toting version or the blue skinned, morphing version or whichever version it is. Better listen to what I have got to say and ensure that you deliver.

I got a lot of demands this year. Why is it that I should only make resolutions as to what I would do but not demand anything in return? Here are some of my requests. Most of these are already available in the world and in me and I want to get them fitted or removed for me.

Cinema bladder: I want my cinema bladder to be removed and replaced with a normal one. A cinema bladder is one in which my bladder automatically shrinks to size of the jumbo sized drink in Sathyam theatre. I am not able to have more than one. I would like to retain my old one please.

Dorsal maternal vision: This is something that I have always wanted. The vision that my mom.. Make it what all moms have. The ability to see what’s happening behind one’s back. The primary use it has always been put to use was to curtail any forms of fun or entertainment. Now that I am a parent and also head a team, I need this at the earliest. Devna needs a few more years before which I need to use this on her. I will upgrade to a newer version by that time.  I have also heard that the new peripheral ones are out but its too costly. 

Alternate auditory channels: Oh this would be so cool. It comes as a combo product with the surrogate nervous system. The way the channels works is that it automatically detects bullshit, boring crap, unending meetings, and tedious calls and routes all information received over this channel to the surrogate nervous system.

Surrogate nervous system: This nervous system is designed to act only in times of extreme duress to the user from endless meetings, petty discussion, tedious information and information overload. It processes the information at the speed of thought (well that was redundant) and determines the correct situational response from its list of pre-programmed directives like ‘hmmm’, ‘good’, little laugh, shaking heads slowly, shaking heads vigorously.

Expulsion Sac: this is currently a very much in demand product and I don’t know if I will get it soon enough. This is basically a sac that collects the aerated expulsions especially when it occurs under environmental situations which are confined (read, like an elevator) and diffuses with aromatic detoxifiers (read smelly). Last I heard, they had come out with a strawberry flavor.

External secondary lung: This product is still in testing phase. This is for all those that inhale noxious fumes … ermm…from the environment and don’t want the tar to pave a road inside their lungs. These would be external and can be disconnected and send to a cleaning agency on a weekly basis who would use the tar to lay good roads in underdeveloped areas. 

With all of this, I guess I can really say that 2014 changed me, what with about 40% of my body being recent acquisitions. I also wanted to grow something really big this year. I have tried a lots of stuff with it, took special care of it, made sure that it was always clean. Sigh but looks like i am never going to get it to grow much. See I am posting a picture of it right now. Kids, pregnant ladies, people with heart conditions please close your browser. It might scar you for life. 

Its time for me to embrace Ervamatin. 

Uhhh...What...

Wait, what did you think I was talking about.  

I was talking about my hair. Dirty buggers... a dirty and filthy new year to you all too...

Dissolute Resolutions

Ah...it's that time of the year. Not me writing a blog(although a lot of my friends say that it is turning to be an annual event). The time of the year, when we all sit down and decide unanimously the overdone, boring, please-save-me-from-this-crap thought that our new year resolution is not to make any new year resolutions. Seriously, dude. It was the "in" thing to say twenty years back. If anybody comes up to me this year and says that they took a resolution not to make any resolutions, I swear, I will scream and start shooting someone.

Do you honestly think that you are so perfect that you don't need to change? Or are you so incapable of fixing up some rules for yourself instead of saying that anyhow, you aren't going to stick to them? Or are you so much of a defeatist that you give up even before you start? Whichever excuse suits you from the above, there is just one word for you...lazy bugger. Ok, that's two words.

I sat down to think about resolutions and see what I can improve. Pretty soon, it changed tracks from thinking of what I can improve to which and all would I have a chance/time to improve this year. The list grew so big that at one point, it looked like I needed to knock off two resolutions in a day to finish the whole bunch in 365 days.

As I still continue to ponder upon my resolutions, it dawned upon me. Resolutions. Re-solutions. So it was predetermined that these are solutions that you will have to re...solute( if that's even a word ) and one that you will continue to resoluting(this time I know its definitely not a word. The red squiggly line just popped up).

As I further continue to think about my resolutions, it also dawned upon me that I am almost at the end of the typical blog post size and I haven't yet decided what I am going to do. The fact that I need to change things around me, in the nearby vicinity was obvious. But constant reminders from friends and family(God bless their perseverance) it was clear that I needed to change too. So here it goes.

1) Gain weight. ( this has been there on my list from 2000 and there has been a consistent change in my weight. I am now .5 kg more than last year. Progress, no doubt, but would like to speed it up a bit)

2) Read more (my favorite)

3) Travel more (wife and friends' favorite)

4)  Get some fitness regime(apparently walking down to the food court and car parking doesn't count)

5) Be more empathetic(I seriously don't know where this one comes from. As far as I know I am too empathetic. Its just that other's stuff is so boring. No thrill or adventure in that)

6) Be more serious. (this one is mine. I think a lot of people think I am a featherweight because I laugh a lot, make jokes, have fun, enjoy good company...on second thoughts, I think they have to change and not me)

7) Be more caustic ( this one is also mine. I need to cut some baggage. I need to stop caring for the damn idiots who don't give a rat's ass about me. Too many people around me who do and I shouldn't dilute my time by spending it on those who don't)

8) Earn more(another frequent item on everybody's list although it doesn't appear publicly on many lists. Earn loads and loads of money. Should not be in a position wherein I need to calculate my retirement plans, my property holdings worth etc to purchase something that I like at that moment.

9) No more postponement of gratification.PERIOD

10) Write more...(hee hee...just kidding ppl. you know I love you )

How to make Monday more interesting

I write this on a weekend. It goes about to show as to how much the impending  Monday morning blues have affected me over my long( it isn't really, just a decade long, but it feels that way) career. So with my experience of working in multiple organizations and in running multiple organizations, I decided it's time to share some of the things I do, to make Monday seem interesting.

Step 1: Start early

The best thing to do when facing hell is to face it earlier. I always tend to make it to office a bit earlier on Mondays than any other days. This prepares you for the shit that happens the rest of the day. It wont make it any easier and sometimes you will feel like you preempted your own suffering but its better to get it over with. It also gives you enough time to prepare to make someone else's Monday worse than yours. Revenge is best not served cold or hot but in magnitude and multitude. So lets go out and spread the love and the hate. Think of innovative and intricate ways to increase the fan base for Monday haters. I do this too.

Step 2: Start earlier

I start even earlier. I start work on a Sunday. That way, it doesn't look like any different from the normal routine of a weekday. Also, It is much more peaceful and quite on a Sunday and you can get some work done without any distractions, delays or deliberations with your colleagues. And you can sit back on a Sunday, no stuffy clothes.. i mean formal clothes, you still have to wear something to office.

Step 3: Create a crisis

There is nothing more fun and more productive than a crisis. Trust me. You can check it out yourself. Look at the various times you have seen your office security guards moving about idly, chatting around and basically looking like they have a jolly life. It may or may not be true but the perception is what i am talking about here. Now look at the same guards when there is a crisis, say a fire, or a blown fuse or even something as mundane as changing the light bulb in the parking area overhead light. They are a buzz of energy and activity. Transform this to every department inside your office. Just think of how a crisis can make people more active and more efficient and just more fun to hang out with. So do something. Start a fire, no no not literally, we wouldn't want to get arrested for Arson would we? Create micro crisis on a Monday and just enjoy the pandemonium that unfolds.

Step 4: Create gossip

Before you naysayers start belittling me for suggesting something like this...hold on. Whatever said and done, rumors are going to be there around the office. Even God got to know about Eve and the apple through the grapevine..or some other equally reliable sources. People are always creating something new. We are basically very creative people and we need to release our creative juices or otherwise we implode. So for those people who are not in a creative industry, say like the news media or the PM's office, you need to start telling creative tales a.k.a gossip to relieve yourself. And its good fun. Trust me. Wouldn't it be great to hear about how Mani watchman was seen with Gokila madam from Accounting in Sardar theatre on Saturday night? although Mani may be a seventy year old man with partial hearing and fully blind and Gokila madam was in Cherrapunji eating kanji.

Step 5: Dont do any productive work

This may or may not be different from what you normally do on the other days. If normally you manage to give like 3 or 4 hours of productivity, do one thing or rather dont do any thing. Stop working on Monday. Dont do any work on monday. Go through the motions. What is the point in doing work on Monday and getting screwed over however good or bad the work is. Stop it. Stop working.

Step 6: Dont go to office.

This isnt anything new to offer, because all of us have done this at some point or the other. Monday is the day when our grandmom,(may god rest her soul) died for the 4th time that year, when your bike had an accident and it would take the entire day of Monday to rectify it, when you fell down in your bathroom and wouldnt be able to come to office as it is too serious for working on monday but should be alright to coming in on a tuesday, when you suffer from very high fever, a result of rubbing onion on your forehead and dipping the thermometer in tea. So work on your creativity and come up with the best excuses this side of the globe. Just imagine, you have decided not to work but your manager may be working. It is your duty to make his day better. Give him a good reason to laugh. Make it as wacky as possible.

Step 7: Stop reading this.

Thats it. The post is done. Stop reading it....no more ideas here. Please feel free to add any suggestions as comments. I am planning to publish this as a book if I get enough ideas. Facebook also promised me one cent if anybody shares this on their wall. I shall give you a mention in my speech to the bank manager on the people that i fooled to make my fortune. Good day folks. 

No Smoking

The following story might be a bit hard to follow for pure English readers as i have typed out dialogues that happened in Tamil. This is not completely a true story, although some of the events in it have been witnessed by me. By the way, i am using the first person here purely as an author's right and i am not the person involved in this story in any way at all.(Sathiyama pa...nambunga)


I came to a grinding stop in front of the tea shop and kicked out my bike's side stand with as much hatred and force as I could. I fumbled with my laptop bag and it took me a couple of minutes before I could untangle myself from the heap that my bike was and step into the shop.

I asked for a pack of Wills NavyCut and a tea and settled into the rickety benches that lined the inside of the small shop. I lit one and started puffing away and it wasnt before the end of the first smoke that I started to notice the shop and the busy clientele that was frequenting it.

I saw a boy of perhaps 14-15 years old entering the shop. He went up to the master sitting at the cash counter and held out change to him. " Oru Wills kudunga." he said nonchalantly and turned away.

"Cigarrette ellam illa.." , the master replied and proceeded to shout instructions to the guy at the tea stove.

"Illiya??? hmmm...seri" the boy walked away as quickly as he had come in.

I was amused at this spectacle because I know for sure that there was enough packets in the shop to export.
I couldn't even start thinking as to the reason why the master was behaving this way before another kid entered the shop.

This kid was almost similar to the earlier one. Same 14-15 years old. Same physique or lack of. He also walked right up to the cash counter holding a fifty rupee note in his hand.

"Oru packet Wills kudunga anna" he asked.

The master quietly picked up a pack of Wills and handed it over to the boy. He noisily searched and got the change back for the fifty rupee note and handed it over to the boy. The boy pocketed it silently and moved out of the shop.

"Enna master, packeta vaangina varumanam jaasthiyo??? Mothala vantha paiyan kaetta cigarette maayama eppadi intha paiyan ketkum pothu vandhuchu? Neengalum wholesale vyabari ayiteenga pola?"

The master turned to face me and with a smile said " Athu illa sir...mothala vanthavan chinna paiyan..intha vayasula dum adikkalama..athan avan kaettathum illantu solliten...namakku antha mathiri kaasu sambathikka vendam sir.."

This got interesting. "Appo rendavatha vantha paiyan dum adichu kettu pona paravaliya? oru dum adichavan evalavu kettu povano atha vida oru packet adichavan kettu porathu jaasthi la master."

"Sir, oru dum vaanga vantha antha paiyan avanukkaaga vaangran. avalavu than avan kaila irukra kaasu. Oru packet vanga vandha paiyan, avanukkaga packet vaanga maatan sir. Avanga appa vo, illa maama vo , illa chittapan periappan, evanaavathu kaasu kuduthu vaangittu vara solli iruppan. Athanala than avanukku vithen.."

"hmmm correct than...nalla than purinju vechurikeenga customers uh"

I got up and paid up for my tea and my smokes and was about to leave when something struck my mind.

" enna pathi enna purinju vechurukeenga master"

He smiled.

"Summa sollunga" , I prodded.

"Sir, neenga etho bayangra tension la irukeenga. Neenga styleukkaga dum adikkala...athu ungalukku oru amaithi tharuthu. athukaaga pidikreenga. "

"eppadi solreenga"

"vanthathum packeta kaila vaanginathum neenga mothal atha piricha avasaram. atha patha vechu atha izhuthu rasichu peru moochu vittathu.antha modhal cigarette mudiyum bothu ungalukkulla iruntha amaithi. ithu ellam than sir. appram oru vishayam."

"ennathu"

"Romba mukkiyamana clue enna na..neenga ulla vantha appovae 500 roova note kudutheenga cigarette kum tea kum...balance vaangara alavukku kooda porumai illa..mothala cigaretteum tea theva pattuchu.. athulernthey theriyala neenga nalla tension la irukeenga nu." he said smiling, handing back my five hundred rupee note.

I grinned and took the note back from him.

Stay strong

The calm before a storm
Life was just in its norm
But all that changed in an instant
All things held dear now seem distant

Everyday becomes a battle to survive
Tougher each day to stay alive
Enough with the crying and sadness
Its time to take hold of this madness

Its not enough if we just live
Its time we started to give
Give back to the world all that we could
treat both good and bad as equally as we should

So go out there and stay strong
For the battle is going to be weary and long
Never ever give up this fight
lets show them all our might

At times when despair and sadness linger
turn back and show them the middle finger
Turn your back on the nay-sayers
Tell your folks to keep you in their prayers

We don't need any help from anyone out there
its enough knowing that they care
This is a battle we fight alone
no time to stop,cry and moan

Every single day dawns with hope
till all this gets too easy to cope.
Till then you got to hang on
Till then you got to stay strong


Dedicated to all the people that have suffered; along with me; because of me; caused suffering to me. For the quintessential human race which never gives up despite the odds stacked against them. For all those who decide to fight rather than sit back.

My dad used to tell me a definition of Heroism.

"Son, A true hero is the person who is able to hang on one minute longer. Suppose there are ten people hanging on the cliff's edge. If there is one person who is able to hang on to the hope of life and survival one minute longer than the remaining people, that person is the true hero."

I have been hanging for quite some time now. But with support from fellow hangers like you all.

Tackling grey hair

Last week, something monumental happened. At least it was monumental for me. My wife discovered my first grey hair. It was pretty upsetting for me. Even more upsetting was the victory dance done by her around the house, tom-tomming and chest-thumping for a good solid 10 minutes. She looked something like this.

I was in doubt whether she was right. I was hoping that her eyes were blinded by jealousy. She has been behind me telling that I need to act my age and stuff for quite some time. I had always come back with the smart reply that I am indeed acting my age-that of a teenager. So when I met some close friends over the weekend I asked them to check out if indeed the improbable had happened. That perhaps I was turning old.
They confirmed. I wanted to just shrug of their comments because one of them is recently going through a clean shaved look and the other spends time on dyeing her hair once every couple of months.


But the inevitable cant be delayed forever however much the heart wants it. I am turning old. For 29 years( yeah i am 29 years old although i dont look that old, i hope) i had survived all symptoms of hair problems that seems to plague all my peers. I know of my colleagues and juniors who started having white hairs at a very young age and some people who had an early onset of Male pattern baldness even before their first paycheque.

Which one is you ?

I had thought i had slipped through the net of problems all my fellow mates have got caught in and that i would forever remain in the dark and (slightly at least) handsome mysterious stranger look. Alas I guess that I can no longer remain in that way.

This was how i used to look

Which brings me to the next big question on my mind. All through my growing up i had always said that the day i have a white hair or show signs of balding i would either completely dye it white or go bruce-willis style completely. Now my mom who has been for years warning me about my shampoos and conditioners and gels and creams is finally calling my bluff. She is asking which of these am I going to do.

Can you try on this 

I tried opening up a couple of photos and see how it will look either white or totally bald. But not able to do much on photoshop or in paint. Does anyone know how to go about doing it...Please do that and send it across.I need to call my mom's bluff, one way or the other.

But on another note. It is an end of an era. Now i join the ranks of the greyed and the wise. Not that i was not earlier. But this is a very emotional period for you. I now sink beneath gloom and despair brought about by age and experience and can be consoled only by ablutions of material gifts. So please shower your gifts upon this old and tired person...make him feel young and renew his energy with gifts aplenty.

(Cash and credit card also accepted) 

Upma - aiyayo amma

EKSI...for the uneducated that means enna kodumai sir ithu...(click here to know more about it ) .

The first message i saw today in my blackberry was this

"Upma dish wins $100,000 top prize" (Here is the original article)

Out of all the dishes that my mom makes, this is possibly one of the few dishes that I hate to the core. Not that it isnt tasty or good. As always all of mom's dishes are amazing...i guess everyone would feel the same way.

The reason that i hate this dish is... well actually, because of two reasons.

1) this dish is typically made in our home when either my mom gets up too late or if there is absolutely nothing else to make. Both ways i hate it. We have always depended on our moms for mouth watering, palate teasing food. So you can always understand how disappointing it is when we land on the dining table and see piping hot upma on the plate. It just feels as though your mom has given up on you and that you aren't worth the effort anymore.

almost wants one to tear this t-shirt up

2) the second reason is this dish goes well with two things. Pickle or sugar. One i dont like, two i am not supposed to like. Ever since the doctor put me on a no-sugar or low sugar diet( some crazy new-founded theory that diabetics arent supposed to have sugar...where did these guys get there degrees, i dont know) sugar in all its form is being kept away from me. Not that it keeps me away from the sweet stuff... But you know how Al pacino finds it difficult to grab the gun from behind the water closet in the Godfather movie.Now just imagine me trying to hide a box of sweets behind the closet. Yeah ..its difficult.

So when i read the news that the dish that i hate so much has won a prize of 100,000 dollars, i didnt know what to say.Except that perhaps i need to treat my mom's upma a little bit better...or start praying that nobody tells her about this. Then we both know what it will be like at home.